Excerpt from "Potential Last Words" by Paul Beer:
If Oscar Wilde's last words really were, "either those curtains go or I do," they were almost certainly prepared in advance. Maybe the quip was originally written for one of his characters and Wilde, realizing he'd captured lightning in a bottle, decided to save it for his own final moments. Since good last words are too important to be left to improv, I've decided to script pithy one-liners for as many potential deaths as I can. A partial list follows:
"I just can't seem to stop smoking." - I've been set on fire.
"Hold on, I think he's trying to communicate." - A chimp is mauling me.
"The real tragedy here? I liked 'Blues Brothers 2000." - Murdered by John Goodman.
Bouncy Ball #1 (Toronto, ON)
$2.50 / compzine / half-page / 24 pages / 2010